


in statu nascendi

by seraf



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Daemons, Character Study, Daemons, Gen, Introspection, Rebirth, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:21:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23535199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seraf/pseuds/seraf
Summary: ( at the moment of birth; as something new is about to begin. )the moment of reckoning with ex altiora; daemon au.
Comments: 9
Kudos: 60





	in statu nascendi

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [TMA Daemon AU Oneshots](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23520793) by [feel_like_plastic_waste](https://archiveofourown.org/users/feel_like_plastic_waste/pseuds/feel_like_plastic_waste). 



the smell of ozone in the air is acrid enough that mike feels like it could make him physically gag around it, and he can feel remus’ claws digging into the skin of his back as he tries to read the words, tries to hold _ex altiora_ to his chest as the wind rages hard enough to almost send him tumbling backwards. remus has always held that fear of storms. always diving for cover, even at the ones they know are just illusory, that jumpy instinct mike has done his best to hide.

his back is pressed into the windowsill, and the lightning creature is so close to him that if he survives this, he thinks he might be partially blinded, the afterimages carving dark fractals into the back of his head with every crackle of its incandescent limbs. _ex altiora,_ his words, are holding it back, but only just.

there is fear in his heart. something like resignation, something like desperation. he wonders, in some removed part of him, what he is most afraid of. is it the thing in front of him, or is it the possibility that he might hit the ground?

there are no more words left.

for a moment, even the thunder in the air, the drumming of the rain against the belltower roof, seems to hush, as though _waiting_ for something, and then, the lichtenberg figure incarnate lunges forwards.

it’s not a choice, anymore. there is nothing left for him but the jump.

a strange kind of acceptance fills his bones as he pushes himself off the edge, and even remus quiets, his nails no longer digging into mike’s shoulderblades. one way or another, this will _end._

and then the air is full of light.

the lightning creature _screams_ as it is dragged towards mike, towards the book he clutches like a lifeline, and he feels remus’ weight against his back _shift,_ somehow -

and the world is illuminated in white, and gold, and the smell of ozone, so strong it sends his head spinning, his vision swimming with black. he doesn’t know when he shut his eyes. the ground is coming up to meet him, and all he can do, now, is love the falling. if this is the last moment he ever gets, at least it is in the freedom of vertigo.

the smell of ozone is gone.

he keeps falling.

he keeps falling.

he _keeps falling._

when his eyes open, the sky is cloudless, and it is _infinite,_ in a way that swallows him whole. there is no ground, there is no up, there is no down, nothing but the _scope_ of it all, embracing him as he falls. his eyes spill, though whether it is out of joy or the rush of the wind he could not say. ( height puts things in a new perspective. he’s heard it before, but he never _understood,_ until now. from here, he can see _everything._ he can feel _everything._ it is all so insignificant, and the realization of how small everything is fills him with a rush of ecstasy, seeping through to his bones. )

remus. remus is - where is he? he must be terrified. he’s always been the paranoia mike could never swallow, the way he still hid under the bed at fourteen, the instinct to look over his shoulder. but mike can’t see him now, can’t _feel_ him - he disappeared when they fell, and for a moment, mike realizes he has no idea what this _becoming_ might entail. his eyes sting for a different reason, now, but he tips his head back, lets himself continue to fall.

if this is what the vast will ask of him, to give him this freedom, he is willing to go that far. in that moment, he accepts it, just as he accepted whatever his fate might be when he jumped. one way or another, he will make do. he will give every part of himself, for this. he closes his eyes, and tries to make peace with it.

he doesn’t realize it, when the gold streams off of his skin like droplets of water. doesn’t realize it until there’s an _echo_ of that joy, of his joy, rebounding in the air. ‘ open your eyes, ‘ something says, and it is not him, and he doesn’t think the vast _speaks,_ not like this, not in words -

the small blue-black bird that flies in elated circles around him is both familiar and new. he has never seen her before in his life, but he would know her with all his senses removed. the name comes to him unbidden, as she settles in his hands - for a moment, just a moment, before taking to the air again. they are not creatures for landing, either of them, now.

he whispers her new name into the air, the wind pulling the word away from him as soon as he speaks it.

_vertigo._


End file.
